Blogpost 1 Am I chronically tired, or am I an artist? 8/29/24 Exhaustion comes with being a Neurodivergent person. I can feel it, every single deliberate action depletes my mental energy, for some people they have the ability to do the thing as is. My father for example somehow has the mental capacity to just do the thing, he questions me and other people at our inability to do so. My mother who is a possible candidate for adhd or neurodivergence in general does the thing, but at the cost of her exhaustion too. And here I am who is constantly tired just by participating in my passions. Maybe its a health thing or a skill issue, but one thing is for sure, it exhausts me alot. Which is why I do worry, because I am unsure if this depletion of my energy is something I'll have to carry for the rest of my adult life, it is absolutely frustrating to think about. Knowing I want to do many things while I'm still in my 20s. I am 21 and my life is at that stage of a quarter life crisis. I want to be somewhere and clumsily putting my foot out there for the world. Recently I sent an E-mail to this organization but at the end of the day I honestly don't care if they want me or not. because its work and work makes me feel indifferent (maybe for now) I do wish I could get a job though one that's actually good for me. So anyway, I guess I'm just afraid of receiving backlash and stuff, I did receive alot of that in my time of working, I admit they never leave my mind and how much I wish to undo the memories of me making these major mistakes, it still hurts and yet I have to keep going on, because I need to. I need to expose myself in constant discomfort, things never go easily for me, for some people they manage through, but I tend to feel more exposed and vulnerable due to my difference. I am no person who is made of steel, nor can I say my foundation is as strong as anyone's I in fact am very weak And only put up the facade that I have it together. I am still thinking about how I can carve a path for myself, I am thinking how I can break through because i feel like in a world where you are expose to people's best all the time in social media, it feels isolating I feel small. I feel like breaking through is attempting to push through a stone wall, that is fixed, and its a matter of trying to look for that way to success. It will take a while, and to stick around to find out is the painful part but, in the long haul I want to ensure that I'll be ok. I got myself to deal with after all *sighhhh***** -------------